How To Respond To Your Child's Unmet Needs Without Defending

So your child is asserting their thoughts, opinions, or something else about what you as a parent may or may not be doing, and the defenses want to go up. Or some situation is occurring where you believe they "should" be more responsible, and you're feeling the heat rise in your body. It can be tense. Maybe you've noticed your child is getting defensive and you're tempted to parents-plain the situation in detail and convince them why you think they should act differently. This only leads to more tension between you and your child. It also results in unmet needs. It might feel like your child is being difficult, so you have the urge to yell, give up, or walk away.

However, there are ways to deal with both your requirements and your kid's needs in this situation. Note: Behind every "negative" behavior is an unmet need... Responsive parenting is an approach to parenting that focuses on meeting your child's needs in a way that encourages connection and mutual understanding instead of defensiveness or reactivity. One of the key aspects of responsive parenting is understanding that children's so-called "negative" behavior is a result of their nervous system being activated. When a child's nervous system is activated, they may become defensive or reactive in response to external stimuli or stress. The same goes for parents! We all have a nervous system, and therefore we all will experience "negative" nervous system activation. Reactive parenting often involves a knee-jerk reaction of anger, defensiveness, criticism, or punishment. Responsive parenting emphasizes the importance of creating a secure attachment between parent and child. Reactive parenting will often result in distrust, insecure attachment, and lack of felt emotional and mental safety with parents. A secure attachment is based on both emotional and physical closeness and provides the foundation for a strong and loving long-term relationship well beyond the teenage years into mature adulthood. Parents who demonstrate responsive parenting are able to create an environment where children feel safe and secure, and where their needs can be met without fear of judgment or criticism. So how do you respond to your child's unmet needs without getting defensive? Let's explore it more in my upcoming live training.