The Path to Living As My Authentic Self

The journey to living an amazing life of my dreams began before I was born. It’s a tale of hardship and heartache but with a pretty incredible middle, that’s no where near the end yet.

Idyllic Childhood

As a kid, I always felt kind of bad for many other kids I knew. Some of them had tiny families consisting of Mom and Dad and not much else. Some were made to do chores daily. Some for forced into activities they didn’t care for. I was so blessed.

I grew up on a family farm planting and tending the garden with Grandaddy, harvesting and cooking with Grandma. My days were spent making mud pies and singing at the top of my lungs.

In the evenings, I’d regal my mom, grandparents and uncle with tales of my daily adventures. I was blessed indeed.

Reality Bites

In 2018, as I struggled with depression that imprisoned me to the couch, binging on food and Netflix for 2 years, my husband suggested, instead of the pain and challenges I was fixated on, that I write my story consisting only of my good memories. Brilliant! I have tons of those, especially in early childhood.

I’d get a few words or even a few sentences in and realize, ‘Wait, this is one of my favorite memories but it’s actually kind of sad. I was clearly being neglected.’

Take II.

Pause. “Hmmm, this one is straight up abuse.”

Take III

I’m not sure how many stories I started writing but eventually I just burst into tears. Once I actually reassessed my entire life without the rose-colored glasses that had been ripped off my face in December 2017, I was shattered to realize the depth of the abuse and neglect I’d withstood. What had happened to my happy childhood?

The Day the Earth Shattered

Trauma has a way of sneaking up on us.

I’d never identified with the word’s ‘trauma’ or ‘abuse’. I mean, I’d been sexually abused but that was all and as a girl, that’s just par for the course, right?

‘Trauma’ was something that happened to other people.

‘Abuse’ is something you see on the news. I’d never experienced those things.

That fateful moment in December 2017 knocked me so hard, I flew out of my body and watched the scene unfold down below as I huddled, terrified in the corner of the ceiling.

That was the day my mom told me she never wanted to see me again.

At some point, my spirit was brought back to my body as my body started moving. I swooped back in, behind my own eyes, reeling, disoriented, wondering what was happening. Trying to catch up, I scanned the room.

Why am I picking up my purse and coat?

I glanced at my adult son sitting next to me. He was picking up his jacket and standing. Ok, so, we’re leaving?

I don’t remember walking to the car. Only sitting behind the wheel staring at nothing for God knows how long.

Eventually, I turned to my son and asked, ‘Did my mom just disown me?’

“Yes, Mom, I’m so sorry,’ he said softly as he took my hand.

The Future's Looking Bright

A lot has happened since then. A lot more traumatic events and a lot of wonderful things.

The greatest challenge turned out to be the greatest reward too. That is the irony of life.

While it took some time for my brain to catch up with what had happened that day, eventually I found myself in the middle of a career I’d dreamed of since I was 4 years old and showing up in my life as my authentic self for the first time.

I learned what the words ‘abuse’ and ‘trauma’ actually mean and that I’d actually experienced a profound amount of both of them, in various ways and from many people. I learned that none of that was my fault.

I finally found the answer to that lifelong question, ‘What is wrong with me?’

The glorious answer, ‘Nothing, this is how your nervous system is designed to work to keep you safe,’ was a key to unlocking my new career as well as my authentic self.

I learned the intergenerational nature of trauma, how it’s passed down parent to child. When I assess my family tree, I see enormous trauma being perpetuated unknowingly. And that is how I came to be here, where I am in this moment.

These days, I am an Empowerment Coach, helping others make sense of the abuse and trauma they’ve struggled with and helping other entrepreneurs build their businesses on the other side of healing. While not all my clients are entrepreneurs, they are all big dreamers, some of them just don’t realize it yet.

When you’ve experienced trauma, one false belief you may have picked up is that hopes and dreams are for other people, not you. I help people reconnect with their authentic self so that they, among many other things, can start to dream again.

Then, even as we continue along their healing journey, we also get to work helping them breathe life into those dreams. Sometimes that’s a business but it can be anything.

I am living many of my dreams, these days. And I’m only just beginning.

Amy Lloyd

As an Empowerment Coach, I support ambitious entrepreneurs and other big dreamers who are ready to do the hard work to reconnect with themselves, heal the hurts and live the life of their dreams with confidence, authenticity and prosperity.

For support join the Thrivers Collective and enjoy free resources such as Virtual Work Sessions to boost productivity, writing workshops and Emotion Processing Sessions to move the needle on reconnecting and healing, https://ascensionwellnesslife-community.mn.co/settings/landing-page and for more information, visit https://www.ascensionwellnesslife.com/